I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
