Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize