Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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