they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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