Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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