Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
we're so committed to being not committed
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
