Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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