I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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