Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
