It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
