Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
