We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
