those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
