Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
