Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What a dumb baby whore.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
