Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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