Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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