doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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