I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
