i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
