Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
