Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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