Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
