just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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