White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
