Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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