How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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