he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize