Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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