So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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