I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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