We're like a lot better than the average bears
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
