i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
