apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
