Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
