Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
MIDGETS
????
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
