Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
