before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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