dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
