I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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