I feel great
I just peed on a car
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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