I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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