I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize