I queefed so loud it echoed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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