you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
