just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
