Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
