Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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