I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Randomize
