batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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