Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
