I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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