Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
