It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize