Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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