I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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