i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
