the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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