I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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