Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
