my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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