my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
