I only kidnapped one of them. chill
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize