I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
