I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
