Where is the hickey?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
