how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
