I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
