This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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