why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
