Pants 0. Shit 1.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize