Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
