I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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