there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
