it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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