Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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